


So What Are You After?

by bmcgeeparker



Category: iCarly
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25898008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bmcgeeparker/pseuds/bmcgeeparker
Summary: “This is all your fault!” He shouted angrily, tossing his hands in the air before dropping them back to his sides and turning away from her.“My fault?” she asked, pausing only for a moment. “It’s my fault that I’m still the one you want?”Seddie, post Sam & Cat. Sprinkled with Freddie/Valerie. Doesn't change canon. Slightly OOC due to them being a little older and more mature. Inspired by All Time Low's Some Kind of Disaster, but not a song fic.
Relationships: Freddie Benson/Sam Puckett, Freddie Benson/Valerie (iCarly)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68





	So What Are You After?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! Here I am again with a new Seddie fic. I've been working on this one since at least May and it's been eating me alive knowing I had this in my back pocket but it wasn't ready to publish yet.
> 
> I think it's finally ready, and I must say, I'm quite proud of this one! Special thanks to a friend on FF.net for the beta read and all the helpful tips. He really helped me improve on this one even more!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this labor of love. Haha. Please leave a review to let me know what you think!

It was a rare sunny morning in Seattle when the shrill sound of a cell phone alarm sounded in the very quiet apartment. Suddenly there was a rather annoyed groan, and a body rolled over to snatch the phone from the bedside table in order to silence the alarm.

Once quiet was restored, the body groaned some more and threw the covers to the side, revealing the slim figure clad in shorts and an oversized t-shirt and a rather wild head of long, blonde curls.

Sam Puckett got out of bed and made her way to the adjacent bathroom to begin her morning routine of washing her face, brushing her teeth, and attempting to tame her mane. Upon leaving the bathroom, she made a beeline for the kitchen, where she knew a fresh brewed pot of coffee would be waiting for her. Thank goodness for coffee pots with timer delays!

Though she lived alone, no one who had known her in her youth would have believed that she had no help in keeping the apartment clean and tidy. Sam Puckett had not been known as the tidiest person by those who knew her well in high school. But somewhere down the line, after moving to Los Angeles for a while and running a babysitting service with her roommate out of their apartment, she had developed some habits that she actually kept up upon her return to Seattle. Thus, there were no dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter, there were no shoes or other items strewn about the place, and her trash cans were almost always emptied in a timely manner. Even her bedroom was kept mostly organized, and she at least lazily made her bed every morning before she left. But no one ever saw her room, so she allowed some of her old ways to persist there, and only there.

Leaving home before finishing high school, preparing to live on your own and find your way alone — well, that can change you. Eventually, you get to a point in your life when you realize that you can’t be a kid forever. You don’t have to totally grow out of your youthful ways, but you do have to mature and become an adult in some ways. That’s exactly what happened to Sam.

Some of her “youthful ways” she had retained were her close friendship with her best friend, Carly Shay; her love of all things food related; and her butter sock, though she hadn’t had much reason to use it in recent years. But she had grown up some in that she didn’t complain about mornings as much (as long as she had her coffee), she was trying to work on her relationship with her mother and twin sister (no matter how annoying she found them), and she had responsibly finished high school online after moving to LA (even without Carly there to remind her of assignments).

On this particular, early morning, Sam was preparing for a job interview. And she was going to be late if she didn’t get a move on, so she hastily finished her cup of coffee, then dashed back to her room to get dressed. Moments later, she was rushing out the door, while her empty coffee mug sat on her kitchen counter, unwashed.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

Later that day, as she strolled the sidewalk of Seattle, almost with a skip in her step, Sam pulled her phone from her jacket pocket and dialed an all too familiar number. She held the phone to her ear with a smile on her face that faded only slightly as she waited longer than usual for the call to be picked up on the other end.

“Hey, Sam. I’m in the shower. Can I call you back in about 20 minutes?”

“Mama got the job!” Sam couldn’t contain her excitement long enough to consider the question she had been asked.

“Really? You got the job? That’s great! I’m so excited for you,” the voice on the other end responded cheerily, with just a hint of disbelief.

“Thanks, Carls. I’m pretty excited too, actually.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Now, let me finish my shower and I’ll call you right back.” Carly hung up without waiting for a reply.

Despite the fact that they had been separated by _several_ time zones for a small handful of years now, Sam and Carly were still incredibly close. Carly may have moved to Italy to spend some time with her dad and Sam moved to LA not long after, but they made a promise that they would stay in touch, no matter what. Both young women were immensely grateful that they had each done their part in keeping that promise.

So, when her phone rang in her hand about ten minutes later, Sam wasn’t surprised to see that it was Carly calling her back to continue their discussion of Sam’s new job.

“Sorry for calling so late, Carls. I know you have to work tomorrow. I just had to tell you right away!”

“It’s not that late. Only about eight o’clock. Besides, we haven’t talked in a couple days. Just texts when we had time. So when do you start?” Carly worked as a senior intern for a fashion agency in Italy, which meant she didn’t have to be at work until a little later in the day, so they had some time to talk.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

After talking about Sam’s new job, and Carly’s job, and boys, and bills, and life in general, for almost two hours, it was time for Carly to start getting ready for bed, so Sam said her goodbyes somewhat wistfully. It didn’t matter how long they had lived apart, saying goodbye still hadn’t gotten any easier for the best friends.

Because she was feeling a little lonely for the missing Shay in her life, Sam decided it was time to make a long overdue visit to Carly’s brother, Spencer. The wacky artist still lived in the apartment he once shared with his sister, though Sam hadn’t visited in a while. Truth be told, she had been avoiding Bushwell Plaza since her return to the city. The building held many memories for the young woman and she didn’t know if she could deal with everything she had buried deep for so long. She briefly hoped that Spencer’s would be the only familiar face she saw in the familiar building.

Upon exiting the elevator on the 8th floor, Sam’s breath caught in her throat. Around the corner, she could hear a voice she distantly recognized, followed by one she might recognize, but she couldn’t be sure.

“Alright, Mom. Thanks for lunch! We’ll come back this weekend or next. Bye!”

That had to be his voice. It couldn’t have changed that much since she last heard it.

“Your mom is so hard to get away from, Freddie!”

Was that…? No, Freddie would never…

“I know.” Freddie let out a small chuckle. “Let’s get out of here before she remembers something else embarrassing from my childhood.”

Both voices laughed quietly, then were quickly cut off when the blonde turned the corner and surprised them. Blue eyes stared into brown and then dropped to the floor. Sam played with her fingernails while she tried to think of something to say.

“Sam??”

Too late.

“Hey, Freddison.” What else could she say? They stared at each other, speechless, until suddenly, the young woman beside Freddie cleared her throat.

“Oh! Uh… Sam, you… you remember Valerie?”

“Valerie. That manipulative skunkbag that tried to steal you away from m—from iCarly? How could I forget.” She looked over at the brunette holding Freddie’s hand and glared at her.

“Come on, Sam. We’ve all grown up since then. People are allowed to change. I’m not like that anymore. Right, Freddie Bear?” Valerie turned her head toward Freddie and batted her eyes sweetly.

“Uh…” Freddie began, but Sam didn’t want to hear it.

“Right. And I don’t still keep my butter sock with me at all times,” Sam crossed her arms and glared again.

“Well anyways…” Freddie jumped in, trying to defuse the tension. “Val and I have somewhere to be soon. We better be heading out.”

He started to gently push Valerie around the corner of the hallway, but paused before he passed Sam.

“Good to see you, Puckett. We should catch up sometime.” He sounded just a little nervous, but also sincere. Despite the sincerity in his voice, he didn’t wait for a response and continued down the hall leisurely.

“Yeah. Sure,” Sam agreed quietly before he disappeared.

She took a moment to compose herself before approaching the door to apartment 8-C and knocking for the first time in years.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

Spencer hadn’t really changed that much. Neither had the apartment. Despite the fact that Spencer was now well into his 30’s and had been living with his girlfriend, Audrey, for a few years now, the apartment still looked almost exactly as it had the last time Sam was there. He still had the same couch and table in the middle of the room. The computer still sat on the counter between the living room and kitchen. The Bottle Bot was still in the corner by the stairs. Most of the little nicknacks and small decorations around the room appeared to be the same ones from the iCarly days. Sam supposed the biggest change in the apartment was that the female living there was Spencer’s girlfriend, instead of his little sister.

So when Spencer opened the door and saw Sam standing there, he was shocked because the last time he had seen her, they met up at Groovy Smoothie and she told him she wasn’t ready to return to Bushwell just yet.

“Sam?!” What are you doing here?!” Spencer’s face displayed all the shock he was feeling, but quickly changed to excitement. He couldn’t stop himself from throwing his arms around her in a hug. Even though Sam tells people she isn’t a hugger, she was more than happy to receive this one.

“Oh, I just decided to give you a visit. I talked to Carly a little while ago and it made me think about how long it’s been since I’ve seen you! So I came by,” her shoulders lifted in a quick shrug as she walked into the apartment.

“But I thought you weren’t ready to come back to Bushwell. Last time we talked…” he trailed off quietly, closing the door behind him.

“Yeah, I definitely wasn’t ready for what I just encountered in the hall.” Sam shuddered in disgust, but her face gave away more than she knew. Spencer could tell she was a little upset about it.

“Ah,” Spencer began. “I guess you saw Freddie and Valerie?” Sam nodded. “Yeah, that’s been going on for a while now. Kinda weird how it happened, too. Just—“

“Spence.” Sam interrupted him. “I didn’t come here to talk about Freddie and his new _girlfriend_.” She plopped down on the familiar couch, just like she had done as a teenager. “I came here to visit the closest thing I’ve ever had to a brother. And to tell you my good news!”

“Good news? Really? Whatcha got?!” Spencer asked excitedly and sat next to her.

“I got the job!” Sam exclaimed. Spencer was just as excited for Sam as his sister was, and the old friends sat and talked for a long while.

Before Sam left to return to her apartment, a few hours later, she promised to return soon. Spencer invited her to have dinner with him and Audrey and he would make his famous spaghetti tacos. Who was she to turn down an offer of food?

%%%%%%%%%%%%

Leaving the apartment that was once practically her home, Sam breathed a sigh of relief. So much had changed in recent years, but she knew the Shays would always be family and she was grateful for that. Even so, she was hoping to get out of the building without running into anyone else she used to know.

Of course, Sam Puckett was never that lucky.

Waiting for the elevator, she began tapping her foot impatiently. Shortly after, she heard the ding and the doors slid open to reveal—

“B-Benson. What are you doing here?” Suddenly, Sam was nervous, and she wasn’t sure why.

“Uh… Hey, Sam. I, uh—I forgot something at my mom’s earlier. I was just coming back to get it before I head home.”

“Oh. Right. Forgot Crazy still lives here.” The elevator doors slid shut with the two old friends still standing in the hall.

“Yeah. Some things never change, huh?”

“Yep.” Sam briefly wondered if this was really what they had come to, after all these years: awkward chit-chat.

She hadn’t seen Freddie in years, somewhat by design. The last time they saw each other in person, she was dropping him off at LAX after he had flown down to see her because her goofy roommate called him to make her jealous. He had to explain a few times before she really understood that he was only there because he was told that Sam had been hurt and he was worried about her. But after he returned to Seattle, they tried to talk on the phone and email a little more, even video chatted a few times.

Sam, being Sam, was always a little scared of her real feelings, so before long, she started making excuses and cut their phone calls and video chats short. Within a couple months, their only contact consisted of brief emails about once every two weeks, then once a month, then every six months. She missed him, but most of the time, she thought it was just better for both of them if they didn’t stay in touch. Keeping in contact meant her feelings were always fresh and raw, like picking the scab off an old wound over and over again. She had never asked what he thought about it.

While Sam was trying to find something to say and reminiscing about her past with the man in front of her, he was taking her all in. More in awe that she was actually standing in the hall with him than checking her out, he couldn’t stop staring at her. A couple times, he actually had to stop himself from reaching out to touch her so he could make sure it was really her.

Suddenly, he sprang to life and found his voice again.

“Hey! Are you busy this evening? If you have time, we could go get smoothies. T-Bo still owns the shop; I’m sure he’d like to see you. Or we could get Inside-Out-Burger. Or go to Galini’s. Or—“

“Slow down, nub! I’ve already seen T-Bo. I was there last week. Besides, I thought you had to pick something up from your mom’s place?”

“Uhhh…yeah, that’s right. But she’s already at work. It won’t take me long. Stay here. I’ll be right back!”

Freddie jogged off in the direction of his mom’s apartment and Sam did as requested, though she really couldn’t figure out why she was waiting for him. He had a girlfriend, and it’s not like she was looking to pick up anything between them. Before she could think any more about it, Freddie returned.

“So, what’ll it be? Smoothies or burgers? Or pie?”

“Freddie.” Sam cut him off again and put her hand up, but stopped herself before she placed it on his chest. “You have a girlfriend.”

“Sam. This, um…this isn’t me asking you on a date. I was just hoping we could visit and catch up. I haven’t seen you since I was in LA, and we haven’t talked since…well, since a few months after that, basically. Valerie won’t mind, trust me. So…smoothies or burgers?”

Freddie seemed determined to spend some time with her, so she felt like she had no choice but to agree with him.

“Burgers, then smoothies. Duh. It’s like you don’t even know me anymore, Frederly,” Sam sighed as she shook her head a little and turned to face the elevator that opened the moment she pressed the button.

Freddie, standing only half a step behind her, was shaking his head as well, thinking, “ _Maybe I don’t know you anymore, Sammy._ ” Thankful that she didn’t see the look on his face, he quickly plastered a smile on when she stepped into the elevator and turned to face him. He followed her in and waited for the doors to close.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

Hours later, they were sitting at a small table in Groovy Smoothie, talking and laughing like old friends do. Most of the awkward had dissipated by the time they finished their burgers and fries from Inside-Out-Burger, and when Freddie opened the door for her at Groovy Smoothie, Sam just laughed and shoved him inside ahead of her like she would have done when they were teenagers.

T-Bo was excited to see the old friends in his shop together again.

“Brings me back, man! Just missing Carly! Y’all want some pickles?”

Surprisingly, Sam passed on the pickle and just ordered a smoothie. Also surprisingly, she offered to pay for Freddie’s smoothie.

“You paid for the food. I can pay for smoothies,” she explained.

He laughed and let her take care of it, but he also made a mental note to remember this moment because it may never happen again.

About half an hour after receiving their smoothies, Freddie’s phone started buzzing on the table, but he just ignored it while Sam continued telling him about the job she had interviewed for that morning. Moments later, it buzzed again, and again, Freddie ignored it.

“If that’s Valerie, you can answer it,” Sam told him. “I don’t mind. She _is_ your girlfriend.”

“No, it’s fine,” Freddie said. “I’ll call her back in a little bit. Tell me more about this new job.”

Somewhat without thinking about it, he reached across the table for her hand for just a moment and then pulled it back. It happened so fast that Sam was left wondering if it really happened at all or if she just imagined it.

When Sam got up to go to the restroom a couple hours later, Freddie texted Valerie to let her know he was out with “a friend” and that he’d be home soon. Valerie wasn’t buying it and called him immediately. He decided he’d better answer this time. Sam exited the restroom just in time to hear the tail end of their conversation and immediately knew that the problem was about herself.

“Babe, we are _just friends_ ,” Freddie insisted. There was a pause while Valerie responded on the other end.

“No, listen, Val. I promise, there is nothing going on. We just got caught up talking and didn’t realize the time, that’s all!” At this point, Freddie’s head was in his hands and he was clearly getting frustrated.

“Ok, yes. I will be back soon. You don’t have to wait for me, but you can if you want. Yeah. Love you too.” As Freddie ended his phone conversation, Sam slowly returned to the table, trying not to make it look like she had been listening for the last minute or so.

“That Valerie?” Sam asked as she sat down again. Freddie looked up at the sound of her voice.

“Yeah, that was Val,” he answered. “She’s kind of upset that I haven’t returned to the apartment yet. But she told me she would be out late with some old friends, so I didn’t really think she would mind,” he finished with a shrug.

“Wow. I didn’t realize you two were living together,” Sam responded with a half smirk, hoping to hide her confusion and disappointment. _They must really be serious then_ , she thought.

“We’re not really _living_ together,” he corrected. “We each have our own apartment. It’s just that mine is a little closer to where she works, so she stays over a few nights a week. My mom would have a cow if she thought I was _living in sin_ with my girlfriend.” He chuckled lightly, but there was something off about it.

“Right. Look, Freddo, if you need to get back, I totally understand. Besides, we’ve been hanging out for hours. I’m kinda getting tired of your face,” she said with a real smile this time.

Right at that moment, T-Bo walked up to their table to let them know he’d be closing in about 30 minutes.

“Whoa!” Sam exclaimed. “That late already? I guess we really better get going then.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Freddie agreed, standing up when she did. “Say, Sam. Maybe we could do this again soon. Like, maybe tomorrow? It’s been great getting to catch up tonight.” The look on his face was so hopeful, she hated to say no.

“Um. Sure. You could bring Valerie with you, too.” She hoped that would make it less awkward for them, and that it would show Valerie that Sam wasn’t trying to steal Freddie away from her.

“Oh. Right,” Freddie said, with a slightly disappointed look on his face. “So I’ll meet you here tomorrow, say around seven o’clock?”

“Sure thing, nub. See you then.” Sam turned and walked out the door without even a glance back, raising her hand to wave over her shoulder.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

Sam woke up the next day unsure what to think. So, very unlike herself, she spent most of the day analyzing every moment of the previous night. By the time she decided she should get ready to go meet the nub and his girlfriend, she hadn’t really come to any solid conclusions about the night before.

“Hey, Sam!”

She spun around at the sound of her name, just in time to see the nub himself reach out to wrap her in a hug. She had just arrived outside Groovy Smoothie and decided not to go inside yet. At that moment, she was kinda wishing she had chosen to grab a table inside while she waited.

“Hey, nub. Where’s _Val_?” It was hard to miss that his girlfriend wasn’t with him.

“Oh! She got called in for an extra shift at work.” He said it almost like he had forgotten she was supposed to be there at all. “Said to tell you she’s sorry, but she’d love to join us some other time.”

“Oh, ok then. She doesn’t mind us hanging out again tonight? Seemed like she was a little whazzed off last night.”

“Nah,” Freddie answered, waving his hand around. “We talked when I got home. She’s fine. So, I was thinking we might swing by Galini’s tonight. Or maybe The Cheesecake Warehouse.”

“Uh…Galini’s is fine. I’m not starving, and it’s been years anyway.” Really, she agreed to Galini’s because The Cheesecake Warehouse seemed more like a date, and she wanted to avoid any unwelcome awkward between them.

“Alright. Let’s go then!” Freddie gestured for her to go first, and he followed her lead, falling quickly into step beside her.

Much like the night before, the awkward that was thick and palpable when the evening began cleared away very quickly. Obviously, it wasn’t hard for these two to fall into their old friendship. Sam began to think that most of the awkward was due to her own nervousness. “ _Besides_ ,” she kept reminding herself, “ _the nub has a girlfriend. Even if she_ is _a skunkbag._ ” So she did her best to loosen up.

As they walked out of the pie shop, both quite satisfied with the decision to visit Galini’s, Sam stumbled slightly on a crack in the sidewalk and reached out instinctively for Freddie’s arm. He quickly helped to steady her and made sure she was alright, then looped her arm through his and started walking back toward Groovy Smoothie. In her daze of confusion, Sam didn’t even realize where they were heading for about a block.

“Wait!” Freddie paused and turned to look at her. As he turned, Sam retrieved her arm from his and instantly felt the loss of heat. “My apartment is the other way. And I walked to Groovy Smoothie. So there’s no reason for me to walk all the way there just to have to walk back home.”

“Oh,” Freddie looked thoughtful for a moment. “Well, I can give you a ride back from there. My car is outside Bushwell. Or I can walk you home from here, if you’d like.”

“Well if you walk me home from here then you’d have to walk all the way back to Bushwell from my apartment to get your car. That doesn’t make any sense. I’ll just walk from here.”

“No way I’m letting you walk around this city alone at night,” Freddie answered.

“What’s the big deal? I used to do it all the time.”

“Yes, Sam, but we’re older now.” He turned her back toward Bushwell and started walking. “We’re wiser. At least I am. And I don’t think a young, attractive woman walking around Seattle alone at night is very wise. We’ll go get my car from Bushwell and I’ll drive you home. It’s really not a problem and if your apartment is back the other way, then it’s not that far from mine anyway.” At some point, he had put his hand on her lower back to guide her along, but he had removed it by the time he finished his explanation.

Walking along the sidewalk, their hands swinging by their sides, she could feel his fingers brush hers every now and then when they got a little too close. With each block, it seemed to happen more and more frequently, and she was finding it more and more difficult to resist taking his hand. He had to be doing it intentionally. Or maybe it was her. They started to slow their pace as they approached his car outside Bushwell, and she thought she felt his hand kind of hover around hers, as though he was debating whether he should take it or not. In the end, he didn’t. Instead, he clapped his hands together and said, “Well, here we are!”

Ever the gentleman, Fredward Benson opened the passenger door of his car and offered the seat to Sam, gently closing the door behind her. The drive to her apartment was short, but palpably awkward for the first time in hours. When he stopped the car outside her building, she quickly said goodnight and ran inside without a look back.

Freddie sat in his car, staring at the door she had just run into for several minutes before deciding he should get home.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

Over the next few weeks, the old friends hung out and visited old favorites at least four nights a week. And always just the two of them. Every time, Sam insisted that Valerie join them the next time, and every time, Freddie showed up alone with some excuse for Valerie’s absence.

Finally, the night arrived that Sam was going to Spencer’s for spaghetti tacos with him and Audrey. Sam thought maybe it would be the first day in weeks that she hadn’t seen or talked to Freddie at all, only to find him standing near the stairs in the Shay apartment upon entering herself. This time, though, he did have the brunette wrapped around him like a snake.

“Freddie! Valerie. What are you two doing here?” She knew she sounded very surprised, but she hoped she didn’t sound rude. She may not have liked Valerie, but Freddie clearly saw something in her, so she didn’t want to start the evening with an argument.

In all honesty, she had really been enjoying spending time with Freddie again. If this thing with him and Valerie was serious, and she wanted to mend her friendship with him, then she would have to deal with Valerie and maybe even pretend to like her, at least a little bit.

Spencer spoke up then. “That was me actually. I ran into Freddo in the lobby yesterday. He mentioned that you two had been catching up, so I figured you wouldn’t mind too much if I invited him and Val here for dinner tonight. He always did like my spaghetti tacos.” Spencer finished with a shrug, and Sam couldn’t be mad at him. He obviously didn’t mean any harm; he was just being Spencer, after all.

“Oh. Right.” Sam said. “Sure. No big deal. Just surprised, is all. I’ve been telling Fredlumps here to bring Valerie along for weeks and she was always busy.” It was Sam’s turn to shrug.

“Well,” Valerie interjected, “when Freddie Bear told me Spencer was making spaghetti tacos, I couldn’t say no. I mean, that’s what he cooked on our first date, right? How could I miss it?” The sweetness in her voice and smile on her face was enough to make anyone sick. Sam just rolled her eyes and walked toward the fridge to find a drink.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

After everyone finished eating, Valerie had insisted that she and Freddie would clear the table and wash the dishes. Everyone else was instructed to relocate to the living room and not to worry about the cleaning.

Spencer and Audrey sat on the couch, while Sam chose a stool from the counter, in order to listen to Freddie and Valerie’s conversation a little.

“I can’t believe you right now, Freddie!” Valerie scolded him like a child.

“What are you talking about?” Freddie questioned.

“You and Sam have been hanging out multiple times a week and you never invited me!” She was whispering, but obviously wanted to shout at him.

“That is not true,” Freddie returned. “I invited you a few times, but you always had other plans or got called in to work. After a week or two, it was starting to seem like you didn’t want to hang out with us, so I stopped asking.” He shrugged. So there it was. Sam had been wondering for a while if he was even inviting her anymore. Now she had her answer.

“And you didn’t see any problems with you spending so much time with your _ex-girlfriend_ without your _current_ girlfriend around?”

“Val, I told you. We’re just friends. I don’t feel that way about her anymore.”

Sam’s heart sank a little. She really tried not to get her hopes up, especially because he was with Valerie, but spending so much time with him lately had reminded her of all the good times they used to have together, even before they tried dating. It was hard not to get any feelings involved when you had so much history with a person.

“Right. And you think I didn’t see the way you looked at her tonight? You think I don’t notice how you smile and your eyes light up every time you mention her? Or the fact that you lie to me at least twice a week about who you’re actually meeting for dinner? Trying to make it sound like you don’t hang out as much as you actually do, but I notice, Freddie!”

By this point, Valerie had given up the whisper. She wasn’t quite shouting yet, but she was getting there. Freddie was speechless. You probably could have knocked him over with a feather.

“I know you’re always texting her under the table. And when we’re talking on the phone at night, I can tell your thoughts are occupied elsewhere! You probably think about her while you’re holding me at night, don’t you?”

If she didn’t have Spencer and Audrey’s attention before, she certainly did now. Sam was still sitting facing the door, and she was heavily considering making a run for it. Whether she decided to run or stay, she could feel her face getting very hot from embarrassment.

“Babe, of course not! Why would I do that to you?” His words said he was fighting for his relationship, but his tone of voice proved that his heart wasn’t really in it.

“Oh, I don’t know!” Valerie shouted. “Maybe because you’re still in love with Sam Puckett!” She threw the dish towel in her hand to the floor and stared at him, waiting for his denial. Once again, Freddie was speechless.

“I knew it,” she said, calmer now. “I knew it. You know what, that’s fine, Freddie. I never really thought this was going to work out anyway. It was nice while it lasted. I’ll go get my things from your place and leave my key on the table. Goodbye, Freddie.”

Valerie walked past him and into the living room without looking at any of the others. She paused for just a second at the door, and then she was gone.

Freddie followed her silently as far as the elevator, then stopped and watched in disbelief as his girlfriend walked out the door. When the door closed behind her, Spencer and Audrey turned slowly to look at him. As Sam finally tore her eyes away from the door she wanted to run out of moments before, Freddie suddenly bolted up the stairs.

Spencer broke the silence a moment later.

“Well…that was an…interesting turn of events.”

Audrey just slapped his arm.

Sam found her voice, though it sounded dry and cracked when she spoke.

“Uh…I should…Maybe I should go check on him…”

Spencer just nodded and Audrey offered her a weak smile when she stood up to follow him upstairs. She knew exactly where to find him.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

Sam made her way up the stairs to the third floor, a very familiar beat she hadn’t trod in years. When she reached the door, she was surprised to see it still bore the iCarly logo from all those years ago. It was closed, but not locked. She opened it without knocking and entered without saying a word.

Freddie was pacing the floor angrily, but stopped in his tracks when he saw who had come in.

“Hey, dork,” Sam offered.

“What are you doing here?” He didn’t sound mean or upset, just confused.

“I…,” she started, “I came to check on you. See if you’re alright.”

“I’m fine, Sam,” he snapped. He looked at her for a second, then started pacing again.

“Are you sure? You don’t really seem fine…” It wasn’t really like Sam, even the older, kinder Sam standing in this room, to be so gentle and caring.

“That’s because I’m not, okay? Now can we drop it?”

Sam watched him pace another minute or two before she couldn’t stop herself from asking.

“Is it true?”

Freddie paused, looking up at her. “Is what true?”

“Was she right? Are you still in love with me?”

Freddie’s face cycled through embarrassed red to shocked white in about 3 seconds.

“What?! No! Of course not. Why would I still be in love with you?”

“I mean, it’s okay if you are. I won’t be mad or anything. I’m just curious.”

“No,” he answered. “I’m not still in love with you. I love Valerie.”

“What if I told you,” Sam began, “that I still have feelings for you?”

“Wh-what? You still have feelings for me?” Maybe it was wishful thinking, maybe it was a trick of the light, but Sam thought she saw a glint of hope in his eyes as he looked at her.

“I mean, maybe… I don’t really know anymore,” she said with a shrug. “I told myself I wasn’t going to say anything because you had a girlfriend, but since she just broke up with you…,” Sam trailed off, not knowing how to finish her thought.

“And you think now is the right time to tell me this? When I’ve just been dumped?” Freddie sounded like he was starting to get angry now.

“I’m sorry! Maybe this isn’t the right time, but I just had to say it.”

“Alright, fine. Maybe I do have some feelings for you still. Happy now?”

“Not exactly,” Sam answered quietly.

“God, Sam! This is all your fault!” He shouted angrily, tossing his hands in the air before dropping them back to his sides and turning away from her.

“My fault?” She paused for only a second, then took a calculated step closer to him “It’s _my_ fault that I’m still the one you want? After all this time. Everything I’ve done. All the mean things we’ve said to each other. And it’s all my fault?”

Her voice seemed to grow louder than it actually was in the mostly empty former iCarly studio. After waiting a beat to make sure she was finished, Freddie released an exasperated sigh and dropped onto the step in the middle of the room.

Head in his hands, she heard him mumble, “No. No, it’s not _all_ your fault. But at the same time, it is.”

“Geez, you are such a nub! That doesn’t even make any sense, Freddie! How is it my fault, and not my fault, at the same time?!”

Freddie stood up and began pacing the room again, throwing his arms around wildly while he spoke.

“Because _you’re_ still the one I want, and _I_ made the choice to live with that, instead of trying to make a change. I never really moved on. I never stopped loving you. But I didn’t _try_ to move on either. I let myself keep loving you, all this time, knowing that you might never come back. You might never return my feelings again. So that part isn’t your fault. But the reasons I still love you are all your fault.”

“And what does that mean?” Sam asked quietly. She wasn’t entirely sure she _wanted_ to know, but she knew she _had_ to know. She couldn’t stop herself from asking.

“Sam, I still love you because what we had was _so real_.” The look in Freddie’s eyes was pleading, total sincerity, and pure emotion. It reminded her of the night they broke up in the elevator.

“You’re telling me that over the last few weeks of us hanging out, you haven’t noticed, not even once, how easy it was for us? After years of not seeing each other or talking at all, it was so _easy_ to just fall back into our old ways, our old selves. Like no time had passed at all.”

He had a point, and Sam knew it. They hadn’t had any contact at all for years, but since that first night at Groovy Smoothie, it was like they had picked up right where they left off the night Carly left for Italy. She thought he had finished making his point, but before she could open her mouth to respond, he started talking again.

“Sam, I’m sorry for blaming you. This isn’t all your fault. I had doubts about Val and I from the very beginning. There was just always something nagging at the back of my mind. I used to think it was because I felt like she couldn’t have changed that much, and deep down, she was still the skunkbag who tried to steal me away from you. I mean, iCarly.”

He finished with a smile that she didn’t notice, but she released a barely audible laugh.

“You caught that, huh? That day in the hall.” Sam looked to the floor in embarrassment. “I was hoping that slip of the tongue had gone unnoticed. Guess not,” she finished with a one-shoulder shrug.

“That day I bumped into you in the hall with Valerie, we were leaving my mom’s place after I stopped by to pick up a ring. Mom told me when Val and I started dating again that she had it, in case I ever wanted it. I wasn’t totally sure I would ever give it to Val, but after a few months, Mom started insisting that I take it. She said I’d never find a girl better for me than Valerie. But when I saw you standing in the hall, after all these years, I realized the reason I had been so unsure about Valerie from the beginning was simply because she wasn’t you. I came back later that afternoon to bring it back to Mom’s, since I was questioning our relationship more than ever, and that’s when I ran into you again. I told you I was picking something up, but I was actually dropping something off.”

Freddie paused to let everything sink in. Sam was feeling breathless, but Freddie took a step closer to her and continued.

“When I got off that elevator and saw you standing there, I knew. In that moment, I knew that Valerie would never wear the ring in my pocket.”

Sam gasped for air and turned away from him quickly. He took another small step closer to her and placed his hand on her arm.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, Sam. About us. All the time, every day since that night at Groovy Smoothie, nearly every thought is about you, somehow. Your hair, your laugh, the look on your face when you punch my arm. I think about our first kiss, and our last. All the smoothies we’ve had together, and all the iCarly fun. How I didn’t even get to tell you goodbye before you left for LA. Sam? Please say something.” There was a hint of desperation in his voice.

“I didn’t know your feelings were still so strong. Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Sam turned around to face him, forcing herself to look him in the eyes.

“I tried, Sam,” he said, placing a hand on her cheek. “I tried the day that Carly left. I tried when I was in LA. I tried when you dropped me off at the airport. I tried so many times. I guess I wasn’t expressing myself clearly enough. Not long after you stopped answering emails, I ran into Valerie. It seemed like a sign that you weren’t coming back, so I should try to move on. I told myself, if I just tried hard enough, I could really love her. I was almost convinced that I did until I saw you again that day.”

At that, Sam heaved a great sigh and closed her eyes. His hand was still on her cheek and she couldn’t help but lean softly into it. It had been so long since he had touched her this way.

“Benson,” she began, “we’ve already tried this. Us. It didn’t work out so well the last time, remember?”

Freddie pulled his hand away from her cheek.

“You can just tell me you don’t feel the same way.”

It was Sam’s turn to place a hand on his cheek. She took a second to enjoy the feeling of his stubble tickling her palm.

“That’s not at all what I’m saying, Freddie. I’m just saying, what if we try this again, we try dating again, and it still doesn’t work out?” She pulled her hand away and looked to the floor, her voice a whisper the next time she spoke. “I can’t lose you again. You’ve always been my best friend, Freddie.”

“Sammy, we’re not teenagers anymore. Besides, the night we broke up, we said we could try again one day.” He lifted her face with a finger on her chin and made her look at him. “We’ve both done a lot of growing and changing over the years, Sam, but you’re still the girl I fell in love with all those years ago. You’re still the one I want.”

He smiled softly, then wiped a tear off her cheek.

“I love you too, Freddie.”

With his hand still on her chin, he leaned down to kiss her gently. A moment later, she pulled away and smiled at him.

“Are you sure about this, Fredducini?” She had a grin plastered on her face, but she was only half joking.

“Surprisingly, I’ve never been more sure.” With that, he pulled her back to him for another kiss and wrapped his arms around her, making sure she knew he wasn’t going anywhere, and he wasn’t going to let her go anywhere either.

A minute or so later, they paused for air, both with a huge smile on their face. Sam broke the silence.

“I guess we should go downstairs. I’m sure Spencer and Audrey are wondering if we’ve killed each other yet.” They both laughed, because they knew it was true. The way they used to fight had many concerned that one of them would kill the other, eventually.

“Maybe we can go get smoothies,” Freddie suggested.

“Or pie!” Suddenly, Sam was bouncing with excitement like a child.

“Whatever you want, babe,” Freddie responded with a chuckle.

They left the studio together, with his arm around her. When they made it to the stairs, he dropped his hand to grab hers so she could walk ahead of him.

Rounding the corner into the living room, they paused on the way down when they heard a shriek followed by the crashing of a glass.

“I knew you two would get back together one day,” Spencer yelled. He ran to the recently reunited couple and wrapped them both in a hug, while a smiling Audrey began collecting the pieces of the glass he had shattered when he dropped it.

**Author's Note:**

> Aahhhh!!! There it is! I really hope you enjoyed it. As I mentioned above, I've been working on this one for months. The idea struck me while I was listening to the song one day and I knew I just had to write it, but I also had to do it well. This turned out to be much longer than I initially thought it would, but that's they way it goes sometimes.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, if you've gotten this far. And please, pretty please leave a review. I love getting feedback! :)
> 
> -Bethany


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